Life update

27 Aug, 2025

So

Yeah, I haven't updated this page in months.

I really said in an earlier post that I was going to try and write once a month but that clearly didn't happen, haha

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Anyway, finally got the mental space to write something at least for now. I think everything is looking up lately! I joined an orchestra a few months ago and it's been really fun. It actually helps me with my overwhelming anxiety of being perceived since we spend so much time going to perform in a lot of different places. I think I got over my fear of being in front of an audience!! which feels nice.

I've actually been thinking of pursuing a music career because of this, but I'm still unsure and need to think about it some more. I think I should finish college first before picking up anything else. But it's been so fun lately, it genuinely brings me so much joy and fulfillment.

Another thing is that I finally made a new friend! It's so hard for me to even talk to someone but back in march when I met her I felt like she was such a fun person to hang out with. She became such a close friend to me in so little time and it's amazingly easy to talk to her. We have so much in common it's almost scary! but that makes it way more comforting to be around her in my opinion. I know it's been roughly 5 months since we met but I really like the idea of meeting her in person someday. Right now it's tough since I don't have the money to go where she lives, but if we stay friends in a few years I think it might be achievable.

On the same note, I noticed that I have this unhealthy habit to think of the worst case scenario when I'm not talking to someone. Usually my mind resorts to "they hate me now" or "they found someone better than me" or "They're talking behind my back" which I know are way out of proportion (and untrue) but I can't help falling into the same pit every time. It genuinely gets to me. But I never tell my friends about that, since I know I will come off as needy and that honestly might scare them away more than I already do now.

Lastly, I started growing out my hair. I used to feel long hair didn't suit me at all, but this time round I think it fits me better than shorter hair. I think what I thought was because I felt self conscious about it and tried to appear more masculine, but lately that idea has been gone from my mind. I don't really feel like any gender at all so that doesn't bother me anymore. But I really need to learn how to take care of it now because I think it's too dry and it makes my scalp itch.

By the way, I also changed my sona's design! makes a bit more sense I think